The Dream City

May!

2008-05-08T23:33:00.004+08:00

There are lots of exciting things coming up! Including: Shenzhen bilingual poetry event tomorrow; writing a speech for Han Shaogong's book launch at the HKBU library; Art HK and HK Unveiled exhibits; the special Cheung Chau bun festival on the 12th; and Xu Xi's book launch for Evanescent Isles.

At the HKBU library today, I checked out Agnes Lam's books of poems and Xi Xi's collection of short stories (in translation from Chinese) A Girl Like Me. It's been so wonderful to read and talk to Hong Kong writers since I've been here. Even though my Fulbright project is a creative one, I've been actually doing quite a bit of research on Hong Kong writing. I'm really getting a good sense of literature here, and its evolution post-handover.

Pearl soup

2008-04-30T17:38:00.005+08:00

At this very moment, just a few feet from my window, my neighbors are making pearl soup. At least that's what my mother called it. I know because I can smell the soothing broth, can smell those little dough balls I used to make with my palm as a kid. I remember trying to make different shapes out of the dough, like people make cookies shaped like trees and dinosaurs, but they always ended up being a globby mess.

A part of me wants to climb into their kitchen, and another part wants to shut the window (this is no time for homesickness).

Taiwan

2008-04-30T13:08:00.011+08:00

Dan and I got back from our short trip to Taiwan on Monday night. I really liked Taiwan and could actually see myself living in Taipei - a city that is, in many ways, similar to Hong Kong. Yet, Taipei's air is cleaner and the city seems to have a greater sense of its heritage and culture. Plus, the food is delicious. They're big on snacks.

We started out in Taipei for two days, then took a train down south to Hualien to see Tarako Gorge (about 40 minutes away), an incredible National Park. Then we took a quick trip to Liyu (Carp) lake, then spent half a day back in Taipei, soaking at the hot springs in Beitou.

Some random highlights from the trip:

- National Palace museum carvings: We saw the famous jadeite bok choy/cabbage. My personal favorite was stone made to look like a piece of pork.

- Old men, everywhere: We went to a park near Lungshan temple which was filled with old men spending their afternoon talking and (I think) gambling. Then we walked around the neighborhood and heard old men singing karaoke. Then we saw even more old men at the Sun Yat Sen Memorial, flying kites. And then, we went to the public hot springs in Beitou on a Monday. So, with everyone else at work, the place was filled with, you guessed it, old men.

- Taiwan friends: Taiwanese people are so friendly! In our experience, Taiwan is truly the Land of Smiles, not Thailand (we felt like we were being ripped-off a lot of the time). Whenever we got lost, there was always someone who wanted to help us out, even if there was a language barrier. Plus, when we were stranded at Liyu Lake (a rural area) and needed to make our train back to Taipei, we asked some people in a restaurant to help us call a taxi and this super nice couple offered to drive us 30 minutes back to Hualien! Or when we asked someone how to get to the public bus stop, he walked us all the way there and made 100% sure we knew the arrival time and where to get off. We also made new friends! Kai, a friend of a friend from Bard, showed us around Taipei our second day there. We went out for a delicious lunch and walked around his university.

- Taroko Gorge: this gigantic park was absolutely breathtaking. I'm not exaggerating. It's full of rivers, mountains, tunnels, waterfalls, marble gorges, etc. We also tried some aboriginal Taroko food, which resulted in one of the best dinners I've ever had. We also stayed at this hostel on top of the mountain and could hear the river outside our room.

Lau Fau Shan

2008-04-23T12:28:00.023+08:00

Yesterday, I met up with Leung Ping-Kwan, a Hong Kong poet who is also a literature and film scholar at Lingnan University, near Tuen Mun (about an hour away from Central on the west rail). I was first introduced to his work (in particular, Travelling with a Bitter Melon) during an event at the International Writers Workshop back in October. It was great to sit down and talk with him about writing in Hong Kong, Hong Kong's history and identity, and what he's been working on. His concerns definitely echo with my own since I’ve been here: the creation of a bilingual literary festival (there is one in English and one in Chinese; why not combine?) and a stronger community of writers in order to reach the public and share Hong Kong writing abroad (which needs the support of the Arts Council and is currently shadowed by performing art). We also stopped by Xu Xi's Lingnan book launch for 50/50, which is a new anthology of Hong Kong writing.

Afterwards, Ping-Kwan showed me around Lau Fau Shan, which is between Tin Shui Wai and Yuen Long in the New Territories. It's an old village famous for its fresh oysters. However, nowadays, the water is dried up and the harbor is at a standstill. First, we walked to the park area, but as we went up, these two men hanging out told us 'no entry'. This didn't make much sense and it was pretty clear that they just didn't want tourists/visitors (which is funny since Ping-Kwan is a local). Anyway, we went and saw a view of the Mai Po marshes, which was quite beautiful. Except, as Ping-Kwan told me, pollution from Shenzhen is an increasing problem. Across the foggy horizon, you can see the bridge to Shenzhen and the city's eerie lights. Heading towards the harbor, we walked through this dried seafood market, which was pretty much empty. With the green lighting and stagnant buckets of water everywhere, it looked like the scene for some bizzare fish horror movie. Once out of the market, you instantly see mountains of chalky oyster shells along the harbor; you can hear the shells crack under your feet as you walk. It was completely abandoned, polluted (old flip flops, soda cans), and the thick smell of old fish filled the air. Nothing moved, save the occasional thin-legged bird digging for food and the strange black somethings hopping around in a trickle of water. Back in the market, we picked out some seafood and took it to the restaurant nearby to cook. Dinner was really nice, with true village hospitality as they gave us a huge pot of free fish, tofu, and vegetable soup. People slowly started coming in and soon enough, the place was packed and howling with conversation (the group upstairs kept slamming their cups, clearly inebriated and still going).

Heading back on the train, I realized how much it meant to see this other side of Hong Kong – a place that used to be a thriving local community, but is now threatened by large container ports and development. It’s a reminder of what will happen if Hong Kong continues to pollute/ignore local culture.

"Home of Overseas Chinese"

2008-04-22T10:53:00.004+08:00

I found this website about Taishan (which hopes to teach the second-generation about their homeland) pretty interesting/amusing.

http://www.taishan.com/english/index.htm

It is estimated that over 75% of all overseas Chinese in North America until the mid-to-late 20th century claimed origin in Taishan, the city known as "Home of Overseas Chinese".

A (good) song stuck in my head...

2008-04-21T12:18:00.003+08:00

Alley and I found Filfla, a Japanese indie band, at White Noise Records in Causeway Bay. Listen.

Missing before leaving

2008-04-17T21:03:00.000+08:00

I try not to think about it. But with just three months left, I keep thinking: I’m going to miss Hong Kong. Just a few months ago, I was ready to leave. But now I feel as if I’m not ready, that I haven’t lived here long enough. I think about how I will miss everyone I’ve met (from my fellow Fulbrighters to all the wonderful local, mainland, international, and expat writers to random musicians/artists/students to chance encounters to the cashiers who work at Wellcome to my the security guard at my building who nods and smiles at me when I come in late at 1am). I’m going to miss the theme song that plays in the MTR station; the plethora of escalators; Vita drinks (specifically soy milk, lemon tea, and mango-orange); the red glow of street markets smelling of durian, oranges, and cilantro; the beautiful beaches where little kids run around with buckets of sand; adorable Chinese kids; the busy streets/buildings of Central and the bright multi-colored cityscape at night; the sudden burst of greenery; visiting the islands (the drying fish and shrimp, the no-car rule, the banana trees); homemade dumpling soup; laundry drying out the window; double-decker buses and trolleys; the Octopus card; the heavy smell of incense and Chinese radio next door; eating dinner Chinese-style; Food Forum (tasty fast food: Korean kimchee noodle pot); the manic markets of Mong Kok selling clothes and tons of other stuff you don’t need; the grime and grit of wet markets; jazz and blues nights; old women and men exercising/hanging out at the parks; the flower markets full of bamboo, orchids, and peonies; temples; the long trek up to Caine Road when the escalator stops running at midnight; the cats in my neighborhood and on Wellington; Japanese candy stores; the crazy haircuts teenagers have; ladies night on Wednesdays (free drinks); cheap and delicious bakeries; walking down the street and seeing so many Chinese faces (strangely comforting); hearing Cantonese...

Office Joy

2008-04-17T21:02:00.000+08:00

I’ve started writing and revising at HKU, where Alley is sharing her office with Helen and me. It’s a big difference from writing in my cramped apartment, constantly shaking with construction. Writing in Hong Kong is ridiculously difficult. Everything I write seems fragmented. In my apartment, there’s always something distracting me. I always end up doing domestic things: washing laundry, hanging up laundry, checking if laundry is dry (during the winter, I used my hair dryer), taking down laundry, folding laundry, emptying my drawers and refolding my laundry. Needless to say, it’s nice to be working on a quiet campus again.

Side note

2008-04-14T23:24:00.006+08:00

On a side note, my short story "The Loves of Mao" will be featured in Guernica, a magazine of politics and art at the end of this month. And a poem is forthcoming in Berkeley Poetry Review. There's also a poem in Octopus (issue 10).

Plus, I just booked my ticket to Taiwan!

Green and Gray

2008-04-14T22:39:00.019+08:00

This past Saturday, Dan and I went hiking near Shek O (on the eastern part of HK island), along the Dragon's Back Trail. It reminded me that Hong Kong is actually a really green place, once you leave the city streets. It was a really foggy day, so we weren’t able to see any of the views. But it was beautiful, regardless. The air smelled of leaves and clean moss. As we climbed higher, the wind grew more intense and we were drenched in mist. All we could see was white. For all we knew, we were in the middle of nowhere, wandering into ocean. Dan threw a rock out into the white. We walked slowly and watched an entire nest of ants walk across the trail. Dan gave me a piece of bamboo and I ran around, poking at things like I was a kid again.

In contrast, Alley, David, and I crossed the border and visited Shenzhen on Sunday, the "overnight city". The city was exactly what I imagined: a frenzy of cheap goods (including piles of sneakers taller than me), huge crowds of people, ugly construction, pollution, and an endless gray sky. And then again, there were other parts of Shenzhen that I liked: the pineapple and sugar cane stands, Lotus Hill Park, and the wide city streets.

At Long Last

2008-04-07T14:34:00.028+08:00

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog!

- In March, I went to the mainland to visit family in Taishan, which is about three hours away from Guangzhou. Dan and I took the train, met my cousin at the station, and took a bus south to the small city of Taishan. The last time I saw my family in China was 7 years ago, when I was 16. My grandpa and grandma were also visiting (from Seattle) and it was great to see them again, especially my bad ass grandpa. He started smoking from this crazy old water pipe during lunch, a day before he went into surgery (which I didn't know about until I got there). The second day we were there, we went to the mountain, where my mother grew up. It was the Grave Sweeping Holiday and we all walked up the mountain to family grave sites. We cleared the graves (of weeds, garbage, etc.), offered food, gave respects, lit firecrackers, etc. After going to three sites, we all sat down and had a huge feast. I wonder what it was like for Dan to be there during it all. He was, for sure, the first white guy in the village. Strangely enough, even though I expected to be an outsider, my family treated me as if I belonged there - as if I needed to be there. My uncle told me later to come back to Taishan more often - not to visit, but because "this is your home. And you should always come home." I don't know what to make of this, since I don't know what this "home" means, but I was touched by their acceptance of me: the one who can barely speak Chinese. I also got to see my great grandmother (my mother's grandmother), who is 90 years old. She lives alone in her village, but has many friends, I'm sure. She's super cute and still really sharp. She was cooking rice when we surprised her and she kept moving about, trying to cut us oranges.

My grandmother and my great grandmother (the only one missing is my mom)

Most of our time spent in the mainland was with my family, living the Chinese life: going to my cousin's best friend's nail shop, playing volleyball with some random strangers, grabbing food at midnight at some highway restaurant, yum cha in a crowded, smoky room, staying with my grandpa at the hospital, etc.

I'm planning on going back to Taishan one more time before I leave Asia. My cousin's getting married in June and I can't miss it. She's marrying a Korean guy; on the phone, she spoke to him in English, Korean, and Mandarin.

- The HK Literary Festival (March 2-12) was a blast. I've been volunteering with them since last fall, so it was great to see it all come together. I also participated in a few events, including a reading with local and international poets at the Fringe, an event called "A Sense of Home" with local writers and Yiyun Li (I read fiction), and a PoetryLive! reading for secondary school students. This last event was my favorite. Imagine an auditorium filled with pre-teens and teens cheering for poetry. The energy was incredible.

- I'm figuring out my plans for next year. It was a hard decision, but I've decided to go to Iowa, over Columbia. And the best part? I don't have to take out any loans! I'm going to be teaching in the fall too, in the Rhetoric department. I'm super excited, but nervous. This will be my first time in the Midwest (well, I was in Boulder for a month, but it was such a short time) and far, far away from the ocean. But I think it's time to live in a small town, after living in the city for a year. I also met Xu Xi, a writer here in Hong Kong, who will be a visiting professor in the Non-Fiction program at Iowa next spring.

- Amazing contemporary Chinese novelist Han Shaogong is coming to Hong Kong this month. He's a visiting writer at HKBU and I will be meeting him at the reception/dinner tomorrow! I'm so excited. I read his novel A Dictionary of Maqiao two years ago at Bard and was blown away by. Both innovative and moving, it's the story of a rural village during the Cultural Revolution, written in the form of a dictionary. Read it.

- Check out the new May issue of MiPoesias! It's filled with poems and recipes. It also features a poem I wrote during my lovely summer at Bucknell. You can download it as a PDF or buy a copy from Amazon!

March-ing Along

2008-03-08T10:36:00.009+08:00

This past week was the HK-China Fulbright Research Forum, which included 3 1/2 days of discussion groups and reflection on our projects. It was amazing to meet Fulbrighters from China and Taiwan (I believe there are about 80 China Fulbrighters) and learn more about their projects and experiences abroad. I'm so impressed by everyone... what a amazing group of articulate, driven, talented, innovative, passionate, and interesting people! I'm just proud to be a part of it all. The conference also served as a means of mid-point reflection. After filling out my mid-point review, I realized that I have to step it up a notch and stay motivated in order to finish. I can't believe it's March already. Looking back, I feel as if I've accomplished certain things, but need to work on others (i.e. learning Cantonese). I feel disjointed in terms of my creative work, since I've started a few poetry manuscripts and haven't been able to finish them. Hong Kong is shortening my attention span! Also, I have a bunch of individual short stories and poems floating around. I need to really sit down and put it all together. And of course, keep producing work.

On a random side note, we met Martin Yan of PBS's Yan Can Cook during a lunch for the Better HK Foundation! I grew up watching the show and it was pretty hilarious meeting him (my mom used to say she could have a tv show because of him).

I'm also hearing back from MFA programs now and have been accepted to Iowa and Columbia. I'm really excited about this...

Workshops and Art

2008-03-02T16:15:00.003+08:00

This past Thursday and Friday night, I taught two undergraduate poetry workshops at HKBU. They both went really well! The theme was “Writing the City” and we looked at contemporary poems by Hong Kong poet Leung Ping-Kwan and did some writing exercises (postcard poems, list poems, writing as walking/running). It was really fun since the students came from all different backgrounds (translation, visual arts, European studies, business, etc.). I greatly appreciated their curiosity and openness. Some really difficult and important questions were also posed; for instance: what is the future of poetry? What is the future of the Book (considering online books, text-message novels, etc.)? This was my first time teaching a college-level class and, I have to say, I really enjoyed it. At the end of one class, I realized my cheeks were flushed…. not because I was nervous, but because I was just so excited to be teaching.

Yesterday, Alley, Michaele, and I visited the Old Central Police Station, which is now hosting (through March 15th) a massive art and architecture exhibit called “Refabricating City”. It’s quite impressive. Great use of the space, plus some really innovative curators. To see an installation in the middle of a prisoner’s cell: really powerful. Some rooms were fun (i.e. an entire floor covered with computer keyboards) and others eerie (i.e. an installation called “hands up, hands down” in a completely dark and barren room, only containing a cross and a touch lamp with clouds).

Back in Hong Kong...

2008-02-22T16:42:00.015+08:00

It's strange how relieved I am to be back in this city. Going up the Mid Levels escalator to my apartment, everything just seemed so familiar and real. Which is exactly what I didn't feel during my first five months here. I'm realizing that: yes, I am actually living in Hong Kong. For the time being, this is where I am. And it's great.

Thailand

2008-02-22T14:06:00.053+08:00

My trip to Thailand was an adventure for sure: relaxing, emotional, frustrating, enlightening, and most of all, intense. Dan and I only had a week, so it was much too quick of a trip. We mostly spent time on Ko Samet island, Bangkok, and Ayutthaya.

Dan and I caught a really late flight to Bangkok (we arrived sometime around 2AM) and decided to stay in the airport - like true transients - and catch the 5AM bus three hours or so to Ko Samet in Southern Thailand. The instant we stepped out of the airport, we realized how disoriented and in many ways, helpless, we were. We took a sketchy-ish cab to the Eastern bus station, which was a dingy station full of tired people, both local Thai and dirt-covered backpackers. Our bus was being packed full of vegetables from Bangkok, and we all piled in for the trip to Ko Samet. In the early morning, looking out at the Thai countryside, the sky was a brillant white - the kind of white that is quietly frightening - and I remember seeing the blood orange sun and shaking Dan, saying "look at this, just look."

We then took the hour ferry to the island from Ban Phe and, by then, the sky cleared and everything was exactly what paradise looks like: blue water, white sand, etc. We stayed at a small bungalow, which was full of half-stray dogs, like all of Ko Samet. Everywhere you went, there were dogs sleeping, following you, watching you, running around, trying to survive on garbage. There were these three black puppies on the road toward our bungalow that would follow you when you passed. There were all these dogs covered in fleas and trying to find shade from the sun. And all the yawning puppies sleeping under our chairs during dinner. It was so sad and touching.

We spent the next day and a half on the island, enjoying the slow speed of beach life. The main beach was full of tourists (young and elderly burnt to a crisp) and Thais trying to sell you coconuts/massages/temporary tattoos, etc., so we walked around for a while and explored the rest of the island. We found a really nice secluded beach and spent the day there.

After spending one last afternoon in Ko Samet, we caught a bus from Ban Phe back to Bangkok to check into our hostel. Apparently, we didn't know that our hostel was located in Th Sukhumvit, which is basically Bangkok's red light district. Everywhere, there were these disgusting old fat white men with pretty young Thai women. It was really depressing. And since everyone thought I was Thai, people probably thought poor Dan was some sketchy white guy. To say the least, we did not spend much time in Sukhumvit. However, like the rest of Bangkok and Thailand, Sukhumvit had delicious street food. I can not stress how much I love Thai street food! Not only is it freshly made right before your eyes, not only is it the most delicious thing EVER, it is ridiculously inexpensive. The best dinner Dan and I ever had in Thailand cost 50 baht for two (in Chinatown). That's under US $1 for two people! The dishes that we enjoyed included Thai noodle soup with fresh cilantro, vegetables, coconut juice, and pork balls; fried rice with seafood; garlic fried chicken; chicken and beef kebabs with pineapple and hot sauce; freshly made fruit smoothies or freshly squeezed tangerine juice; loti pancakes filled with banana and drizzled with chocolate, ginger fried sea bass; and so much more. It's a good thing that I love spicy food because in Thailand, if it's not spicy, it's not good! For street stalls, if there are seats, you sit down with local Thai and chow down in the sweaty heat. It's really fun to watch the vendors make the food (an art in itself). In Bangkok's Chinatown, the noodle lady kept flinging noodles into the air as she cooked. We were definitely within noodle-throwing distance. It was great. We snacked so much. I would go back to Thailand just for the food.

Since Dan was playing at an ultimate frisbee tournament for two days (which he won, by the way!), I explored Bangkok. For the first day, I went to the typical tourist sites: Wat Pho (with the giant reclining Buddha), the Grand Palace, and Wat Arun. I took the ferry, which was nice as it really gives you a sense of the river. The wats or temples were very impressive and full of beauty. It was nice to see such ancient history right in the middle of crazy Bangkok.

Somehow, when I tried to get a tuk-tuk to take me to another Wat, he took me where I didn't want to go for two hours. This was after he discovered that I couldn't speak Thai and wasn't Thai. It was pretty terrible to say the least. The upside of it all was that I got to see the city in a really interesting way: zipping through pollution and traffic, catching glimpses of daily Thai life (selling Buddhas wrapped in plastic and protection amulets, kids kicking around soda cans, women washing vegetables). I've decided that travelling as a woman can be pretty difficult in Bangkok. But it all turned out completely fine. I really appreciate how incredibly safe Hong Kong is now.

I also went to the big weekend market up by Mo Chit, which would take me days to walk through it all. It's this winding market full of anything you might want, and is the spot to be for both local Thai and tourists. It was funny to be shopping around since everyone, again, thought I was Thai. I tried to explain that I wasn't Thai; it was strange to explain that I was "Chinese", not Thai. Because, for sure, if I said "American", they wouldn't believe me. One man wasn't convinced at all and I had to lie and say I was half Thai. When I was at the market, there was a sudden downpour and everyone kept shopping, soaked through their clothes and moving through the alleyways flooded with dirty water. There's nothing like splashing through a sweaty, crowded, and gigantic market. When I met up with Dan, we tried to find a place to stay near the train station in Chinatown, as we were planning to leave early the next morning. Wandering around, we ran into a full-on Peking opera show in the street! We walked near the sounds of drums and saw the actors backstage, in make-up and constume, and sat down to enjoy the show with the rest of the audience (mostly elderly Thai-Chinese).

For our last day and a half in Thailand, we took the train up toward Northern Thailand to the ancient ruins of former capital, Ayutthaya. It was about an hour and half ride; we took third-class and further discovered how Thailand is very much a third-world country. Looking out on the countryside, poverty was everywhere. Green fields, shacks with hanging laundry, garbage strewn everywhere, the stray dogs. This was a definite culture shock. In Ayutthaya, we explored the many ruins of the city. We ended up at this one unnamed and quiet wat with the most beautiful smiling Buddha I have ever seen. It was in this crumbling room with no roof, covered with flowers and bright robes. A very old woman came up to us and showed us how to pray and give our respects. In this empty room, kneeling in front of this beautiful Buddha and pressing a gold piece of paper against its arm, I was overcome with a mixture of peace and confusion, as I wasn't sure what it meant. But it meant something.

Orange trees

2008-02-08T15:57:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year/Kung Hei Fat Choi/San Lin Faai Lok!

The streets are filled with little orange trees, orchids, and the smell of incense. Dan bought some flowers and plants from a flower market for the apartment. Day two of celebrations includes fireworks and a party at Alley's.

I met up with some friends last night to go to the Tsim Sha Tsui night parade, but I got sick once again from Indian food at Chungking Mansions (why I went back, I don't know) and had to leave early. But we did get to see the start of the parade and some absolutely adorable kids dressed up as mice with lamps in the shape of cheese. Some strange things I noticed: during the parade, we saw a group of Chinese musicians playing the bagpipes! There were also these two old white men dressed in Qing dynasty clothing with fake long black beards glued to their (very visible) white beards. These Western men in Chinese garb were escorted by two pretty Chinese women. What was up with that?!?

The cold spell

2008-01-31T13:31:00.000+08:00

What to do in a city without central heating? Drink lots of soup, roll into a burrito and stay in bed.

- The Man Hong Kong Literary Festival, where I volunteer once a week, is coming up soon in March (as well as our 3-day Fulbright China Research Forum). Some of the authors include Ian McEwan, Yan Geling, Anne Enright, and Yiyun Li. I'll be participating in an event entitled "A Sense of Home". At least with my experience, “home” is an exceptionally foggy idea, which is interesting since it’s often thought of as a foundation where we can place ourselves. Yet, because of my upbringing and where I am now, “home” does not denote a place. I can't pinpoint “home” on a map; instead, “home” is a murky sense of something I desire and must create. If anything, my experience living abroad in Hong Kong - a city with an identity crisis, I think -has further complicated that created space...

- Chinese New Year is quickly approaching and I'm looking forward to spending it in Hong Kong. It's the year of the rat (that's me)! Just a few days ago, Dan bought me a cake in the shape of a rat. I was originally planning on visiting family in China, but it's crazy hectic now and I'm waiting until mid-March. I am so glad that I'm not stranded at the train station in Guangzhou, lost in a massive crowd of people and suitcases. On the news, it showed tens of thousands of people stranded there. Everyone's trying to go home for Chinese New Year. It's a mass migration. Here's an article about it in TIME magazine.

- Two of my friends and fellow Fulbrighters are planning on showing a photo exhibition at the Fringe Club. If it all works out, I will be writing some "Non-Portrait" poems to accompany the exhibition. Collaboration is always fun!

- Thailand dates: February 12-19!

Fake Jet Lag

2008-01-17T14:55:00.000+08:00

I've been having bouts of fake jet lag. For the past three nights or so, I've been getting up at 5 in the morning, wide awake after 3 hours of sleep. Yesterday, not wanting to wake Dan, I ended up reading on the couch until the sun came up (which is actually a lie since you can never see the sun rise here). Lying on the couch with a thin blanket and a lumpy pillow, I felt like an exiled husband.

I think this city is starting to get to me. I'm ready to leave for a little while. Dan and I are planning our week long trip to Thailand. We just bought our tickets to Bangkok and are set to go on February 12th. Since it's a short trip, we're thinking of exploring the Central Thailand area, including Bangkok, Ayuthaya (ancient ruins of the former royal capital), Ko Samet (a beach), and perhaps Khao Yai National Park (hello elephants) or a floating market.

Macau cricket fights

2008-01-08T13:01:00.000+08:00

Dan and I made a short trip to Macau, which is about an hour from Hong Kong. Although Macau is very much Chinese, there is definitely a different kind of culture specific to Macau, as influenced by the Portuguese (signs were in both Chinese and Portuguese). We first went to Largo do Senado and visited the Ruins of St. Paul, which were really impressive. We walked around the street markets for a bit and tried some Macau almond cookies and some sweet dried meat thing. There's an entire street dedicated to these cookies and dried meats, packed with tourists trying out samples. It was pretty overwhelming. Then we went to Monte Fort, a vast fort with an amazing view of the central area of Macau. We stopped by the Macau Museum. My favorite bit of information: cricket fighting. Cricket fighting was particularly big in Macau. At the museum, we saw cricket coffins (yes, they held real funerals for crickets that died in fights) and saw preserved"cricket champions". We had dinner at an unfortunately not so great restaurant and had Macanese specialities like African chicken, which is done with coconut and chillies. Oh well, at least we tried it. We also visited the Leal Senado, Church of St. Dominic and ended up at this park behind this pink building when we realized that, besides the Las Vegas-like casinos, there was nothing to do in Macau at night. When we went, the air was terribly polluted with moped exhaust and I kept walking around the streets with my scarf in my face.

Dear January,

2008-01-04T15:06:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!

I read my horoscope in HK Magazine and it said that my year will be something akin to Lake Vostok, an ancient sub glacial lake discovered in Antarctica 13,000 feet under an ice sheet. The lake is the size of Lake Ontario and was found, untouched, in 1996. Hmmm..

Another Kind of Nation: Contemporary Chinese Poets

My Chinese poet-translator friend, Canran, invited me to a book launch/reading of a new bilingual anthology of contemporary Chinese poetry, edited by Zhang Er and Chen Dongdong. The reading was in Yau Ma Tei and was a great introduction to new writing in China and Hong Kong. It was mostly in Putonghua, so I couldn't understand a word of it; however, it was still great to listen to as I read along in the English translation. I met some great new poets and am excited to encounter them in the near future. I also had a chance to read a new poem I wrote in Hong Kong, although I could only do so in English. I think I will challenge myself and try to translate a poem into Cantonese, well, spoken Cantonese. The anthology is available here at Amazon.

A Hong Kong Holiday

Dan and I were in Hong Kong for the holidays... our roommates left for China and Italy respectively and we had the entire apartment to ourselves. We stopped by my friend and poet Viki Holmes's apartment and shared some mulled wine, mince fruit pies, and chocolate. On Christmas day, I had a lovely dinner with Dan, Helen, and her friends from home in the New Territories. We made a giant traditional Christmas dinner with turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, etc. and watched A Christmas Story. I missed home terribly, but it was great to spend it with great company. For New Year's Eve, Dan and I met up with Alley and her friend from home, Kate, and made a delicious Mexican feast with cherry chocolate chip cookies from our trusty toaster oven. We then met up with Helen and friends at Carnegie's in Wan Chai and spent the rest of the night dancing, laughing, and enjoying the start of the new year. Also, it's getting pretty cold here and we actually had to go out and buy a comforter. Strange how temperature can make you miss home.

Moving Forward

I will be running a creative writing workshop (two sessions) in the spring semester at HKBU, which I'm really excited about. Also, as I'm realizing that I've been in Hong Kong for almost four months now, I am determined to push on and write more. I'm looking forward to travelling more too; I just got my multi-entry China visa!

Malls

2007-12-10T16:34:00.000+08:00

I am from New Jersey, that is true. And it is also true that I live only fifteen minutes away from a mall back at home (I'm fifteen minutes away from the ocean too)... and Hong Kong has tons of malls - all of which are decked out for the holiday season. Hong Kongers celebrate Christmas, but it's nothing compared to Chinese New Year. We took some cheesy photos at the IFC mall and other random malls:

There's nothing like holidays to make you miss home...

An island of dogs

2007-12-10T15:55:00.000+08:00

This past Saturday, Alley, Ben, Dhwani, Dan and I went hiking around Lantau island, on the southern side. We first walked to Pui O beach, where a restaurant was setting up for a wedding (the beach was mostly empty). Over my time here, I've discovered that the beaches of Hong Kong are really different from each other, especially when it comes to sand. The sand of Pui O was charcoal gray and felt similar to mud. Crabs would dig themselves into the sand and spit up little balls of sand. Dan found a crab (why does he always find crabs?) and I watched it scramble under. There were semi-wild dogs everywhere; they were sleeping all over the place, their paws and fur matted with salt water and sand. We then found Cheung Cha beach, had dinner there, and watched a cow walk across the beach at night. I was really excited, but then the waitress told us that there were usually a group of twenty of them, and this one - a female - was lost from the group and just wandering. How lonely.

Mary Ruefle

2007-11-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

This morning, I was struck by this poem from Mary Ruefle's The Adamant:

Max Gate

A few dried things, once
called leaves, tremble
in the swelling air.
I cough up my phlegm.
My wife reaches
for her hairpin,
and all of the years
caught up in that instant
come down in the storm.
The fixed root of an oak
uproots.
And I think, oddly,
of the kitten, half
black, half white,
we drowned this morning
in sterling weather.

Fifteen years

2007-11-26T15:02:00.000+08:00

At the Hong Kong Space Museum, there was a display of an ecosphere, untouched for over fifteen years. Dan was so sure nothing was alive in there, but - one by one - tiny shrimp-like creatures shot up from the murky bottom toward the branch-filled center, pressing their tiny bodies against the glass, as if they were the ones looking at us.

On Saturday, we jumped on a ferry without knowing where we were going and ended up at Peng Chau, a small island near Lantau. We walked along the coast of the island and climbed down to the rocky, garbage littered shore. There, we sat on a washed up log and threw in pumice stones to see if they would float (of course they did) and waited for the tide to bring the stones back. Dan found a small crab; it fit in the palm of his hand. My first reaction was to run away. Not because I was afraid of it, but because the only thing I could think was: My god, it's alive.

We walked to the point of the island where two ends meet. The wind was strongest there and I could barely see. There's a large rock at the point, in the shape of a fist. Then we continued on and found gravesites/memorials and a straw hat settled among the tree tops. Wild dogs barked at us and there was the sound of bamboo knocking in the wind all around us (like the knocking of doors). Abandoned houses filled with tangled tree limbs led the way to a small village where villagers hung fish upside down on poles to dry. Most doors were left open. I felt so intimate, turning to look inside these homes - watching an old man heat his dinner or watching a woman cry as her son lifts her up from a wheelchair. It made me think how many people have watched me during moments like these. Not long ago, I was crying in the elevator (I was sea sick) and there was a woman beside me, not sure of what to do - put her hands in her pocket, turn away, or reach out to me.

Overboard

2007-11-21T18:06:00.000+08:00

A couple of days ago, Dan invited me on a small boat with some of his new HK friends for a night cruise to Lantau and Lamma island. The entire trip took around two hours and I was sea sick the entire time. The waves were pretty strong that night and I could not stand up for the life of me. I ended up lying down, feeling horrible, and closing my eyes. One of the boat operators - she looked like she could be my grandmother - thew open a door for me so I could get some air and I remember hearing her laugh. We apparently stopped at Lantau for the fireworks but I couldn't see them. I asked Dan to tell me what they were like. When we finally arrived in Lamma and I set foot on land, I felt so much better. And then the delicious seafood came. I like the idea of going to tanks and picking which ones you want to eat. A man at our table picked our fish and was so proud of it (it was the best fish I've had in a long time). Then Dan and I tried to catch the fast ferry back, but kept mistaking our boat for private boats. We ran back and forth from the dock, saw a one-eyed dog (this doesn't have to do with anything, but I thought it was special), and finally found it on our third try. On this boat back, old men were strewn hapharzardly on benches, half asleep, half reading, half smoking.

This past week was also the AFI fim festival. Alley invited us to go see the comedy "Big Dreams Little Tokyo" at the HK Arts Center. The movie, besides being smart and funny, raised some interesting questions concerning language and cultural identity. The director (he also played the lead role in the movie) was also there to answer some questions/talk about his film. I'm quite impressed. I think he's only 25.

Yesterday, a few of us stopped by the Fringe Club for a "drum jam", which is free and open to the public. There were tons of drums and other percussion instruments to play around with. Amazing how many investment banker types showed up! Anyway, the group had lots of energy (it seemed like about 40 people) and we played for an hour.

This morning:

2007-11-15T14:21:00.000+08:00

Fuzzy Chinese radio from a neighbor's window, a sky so blue I don't know how to address it, checking my bamboo plant (the stem is spotted black and the roots are suspended in water), reading an old copy of O. Henry Prize stories, writing, missing. I'm thinking about last summer, when my mother and I washed white deck chairs full of spiderwebs and how the water ran down my legs and down the unpaved driveway. And how she put up a wind chime that day and wondering if, when winter comes, it will freeze in the snow.

California Wine

2007-11-14T11:27:00.000+08:00

Last night, I met up with Chinese poets/translators/scholars at the HKUST campus near Hung Hau on the MTR line, which is only fifteen minutes away from scenic Sai Kung Peninsula. It was a brillant night filled with books, California merlot, mixed English and Mandarian, Billie Holiday, and great discussions on identity, translation, "Chinese-ness", language, and new Chinese American writing. It definitely revitalized my original purpose of being here, i.e. my Fulbright project proposal on the "messy translation". I arrived back in Central feeling less anxious, wine happy, and thankful for the opportunity to make new friends. And, for the first time since I've here, I felt Chinese for a moment - a diluted, complex, and murky definition of it, but it was certainly different from how I have been feeling (completely American)...

It's November already!

2007-11-09T21:53:00.000+08:00

Highlights from this past week or so...

- I've started volunteering at the Man Hong Kong International Literary Festival, editing some things and what not. Today, Dan and I met up with Suzie, one of my HKU writer friends here, and went to a lecture hosted by the Literary Festival and the Australian Consulate entitled "The Literature of Displacement". It was pretty interesting, but I was really hoping for more discussion on the topic of displacement/sense of home (created or otherwise). However, it was a quite enjoyable event and there was great free wine and cheese. Including wasabi cheese from Australia. So delicious. Dan and I definitely looked like poor college students, crowding around the cheese plate. Tomorrow, I'm planning on attending the Man Asian Literary Prize Shortlist event at the "members only" China Club. Should be exciting and very fancy. I feel like I should wear a tie. More on the festival: http://www.festival.org.hk/2008/index.php

- Okay. Hong Kong loves Halloween. We tried to go to Lan Kwai Fong for the festivities, but it was a little like New Year's Eve, Times Square in NYC. Streets were blocked off, police were everywhere, and very drunk people in strange costumes were everywhere (but of course, there was the standard costume of devil horns/bunny ears in very fancy black dresses). We ultimately went back to the Soho area, at this African drum bar down Peel Street. Apparently all the performers at Hong Kong Disneyland were there, so you can imagine the costumes. Also, what surprised me was how many children were out late at night! Some at 2AM!

- My dear fellow Fulbrighter, Alley, turned 24 on the 1st. A bunch of the Fulbrighters went out to Mong Kok for Korean BBQ buffet. It was my first time at a Korean restaurant and it was an amazing experience. So basically there are lots of raw meat and other foods and you cook it yourself on a heat plate that's in your table. Apparently I am NOT good at this since most of the food I put on the plate burned to a crisp and refused to be turned over (the salmon, in particular, turned into a moving black blob). Plus, I definitely ate some raw meat. But it was a really fun and actually pretty delicious! I think I will get better at this. They also had this delicious Chinese dessert that I love: sweet black rice with mango.

- Dan arrived in Hong Kong on the 2nd, after many days of traveling. And it's pretty shocking... he never really had jet lag! And to think I wasted an entire week when I first arrived being jet lagged, sick, and pretty much confused. But Dan actually slept through the night and we got up the next day and I showed him around Hong Kong Park and the Hong Kong Zoological and Botanical Gardens. We saw some amazing carnivorous plants and some talking parrots and a missing jaguar and had some very expensive tea at the teahouse connected to the Museum of Teaware. That night, Dan went across Victoria Harbor on the Star Ferry for the first time. It's really refreshing to be the "tour guide"... maybe I don't really know Hong Kong at all, but I'm figuring it out, slowly... On Tuesday, we went to Lamma Island. It was a gorgeous day -- blue sky and everything. Swimming on the beach in November! The island is a bit like paradise... it's made up of many small villages and temples, and is very influenced by seafood culture. There were banana and pomegranate trees everywhere. Also, tons of stray cats and wild dogs (we found a cat in an herb garden and I wanted to take it home). We wandered around, swam at Hung Shing Ye beach, and ended up on the rocks by the shore, where a little girl jumped precariously from rock to rock.

- The November Poetry Outloud reading was this past Wednesday and it was so lovely. Guest poet Cai Tianxin, from mainland China, read his work ("A Fish Poem" is great). It was wonderful to hear everyone read and to be surrounded by such a vibrant and supportive writing community. I had to read off my lab top... it tested by waiter skills.

- On Thursday night, I went with Dan, Alley, Jonah and some of his friends, to see this new Japanese movie called "Dai-Nipponjin", directed by Hitoshi Matsumoto. It was the strangest movie I've seen in a really long time. But it was so hilarious. It's basically a fake documentary about Dai Sato, a middle-aged loser who leads a poor and boring life, but still tries to continue a family tradition - crime-fighting, superhero style. Yes, he is a superhero and transforms into this very large, very funny superhero who fights giant monsters for a living. Trust me. It's amazing.

- Some good news about senior project! Two pieces from my thesis will be in the next issue of Bombay Gin, a literary journal based out of Naropa University.

Construction

2007-10-29T23:33:00.000+08:00

There is construction going on outside. It shakes the entire building. It's strangely rhythmic and circuitous and I think, a little like a feverish heart or someone trying to find the center of the earth.

Random Notes

2007-10-27T00:32:00.000+08:00

What I have been up to these past few days:

- Made new wonderful writing friends, shared poems, and went to my first reading at Joyce is Not Here (that's the name of the bar). This place is pretty much incredible. Alley and I returned the next day and had the most delicious chocolate raspberry filled dumplings with strawberry slices.

- Attended a lecture at Hong Kong University on "obscene books and the law" (on the book The Well of Loneliness and the controversy it sparked). This reminded me of how much I miss taking classes. It was fun to remember my Foucault. And how I forgot to return Kate's copy of Discipline and Punish. Kate, I am sorry. I also went to the art museum at HKU and found these two old Chinese chairs which did not have the expected description tag (the date, the what-is-it-made-of). Instead, it had this little placard above it that read: "To be in a fulfilling marriage is to be like a fish moving in harmony with water."

- Slowly starting to fill out applications.

- Listening to Iron and Wine's new Shepherd's Dog album, a birthday present from Dan and singing the track 12 line "Now I am a fat house cat" while I walk down the street.

- Finally applied for a public library card! I spent the day at the Central Library in Causeway Bay today, reading giant Norton anthologies of modern and contemporary poetry. I was most amused by Kenneth Koch's "Variations on a Theme by William Carlos Williams":

1.

I chopped down the house that you had been saving to live in next
summer.
I am sorry, but it was morning, and I had nothing to do
and its wooden beams were so inviting.

2.

We laughed at the hollyhocks together
and then I sprayed them with lye.
Forgive me. I simply do not know what I am doing.

- Kenneth Koch

Fun fun fun. I think I laughed outloud and this couple glared at me (sidenote: they were wearing bright yellow croc shoes). I also liked what was written in Lyn Hejinian's biographical note: writing that "lets the seams show between sentences". Also, I was very pleased to find that the library has some Amy Hempel (who was, by the way, a Bread Loaf waiter as well!), Anne Carson, Li Young Lee, and a good selection of classic and new novels. Plus, I am excited to read work from Hong Kong writers, including Leung Ping-Kwan, who I discovered at the "City Under the Sea" discussion on campus. I checked out Anne Carson's The Beauty of the Husband, this collection of poems by Rachel Flynn called Ice, Mouth, Song, and Kundera's The Book of Laughter and Forgetting.

Instruments I don't know the name of

2007-10-22T12:27:00.000+08:00

After the "City Under the Sea" discussion on campus, Alley and I met up with some writers at this barber shop turned blues jam session (it's converted into a blues/bluegrass/jazz bar twice a month). The place is really hidden, in a corner of a quiet alleyway that doesn't even have a street name. There was a backporch/on-a-ship feel to it and the music was really great (the type you stomp your feet to). Was it a banjo? An oboe? A strange pipe thing connected to a keyboard? It was so smoky, my voice was a little Louie Armstrong by the end of the night. But it was wonderful and the perfect I-can't-believe-this-is-Hong-Kong moment.

To wrap yarn around a bird's wing

2007-10-20T14:55:00.000+08:00

So yesterday I spent the entire day (mostly) at St. John's Cathedral and Hong Kong Park. First off was lunch at St. John's, which I discovered is the meeting place for many, many migrant workers from the Phillipines and Indonesia (also a big place is the open area of the HSBC building not far from St. John's). Since yesterday was a Hong Kong holiday, the grounds were packed with workers on their day off, talking to friends in their mother tongues and just enjoying each others company. I sat down beside this tree and friendly women would occassionally pass by me, smiling and saying something in a language I couldn't understand (Tagalog maybe?). I think they assumed I was also a migrant worker, enjoying the day off. It really made me realize how important, how necessary, these moments in the park were for these young women. How it was a time to find some sort of home-connection and be surrounded by friendly faces. I started thinking a lot about my own sense of being an expat here in Hong Kong, particuarly since I always am mistaken for a Hong Konger (many people asked me for directions that day and I could only say "I'm sorry. I don't know." in Chinese). I do admit, it's reassuring to live in Soho, since there is an expat population here. The fact that I can eat pizza or a hot dog or at Subway reminds me of home.... but also, the fact that I can eat at a Chinese restaurant and have yum cha also reminds me of home. Strange.

After walking around St. John's, I walked to Hong Kong Park, which is the most unusual park I've been in before. First off, it's very artificial and built to be artifical. There's a fake waterfall, fake pond with goldfish, a fountain trailing down stairways, a huge aviary (where you walk on a bridge suspended many feet up), an indoor sports facility, a teaware museum, a visual arts center and more. The park was planned for people in mind - not nature. But yet it was a really nice break from the city itself. The teaware museum was my favorite, as it houses some really unique, creative, and often provocative tea sets from contemporary potters (the intersection of art and function). Plus, they have little reading nooks that I might have to use in the future. The aviary was a strange experience, since, once inside, you do have this sense of being in a natural area, but then again there is a netted roof and the skyscrapers surrounding it. I found one bird just walking around the edge of the aviary, looking pretty confused. I would be too. It depressed me a little... but then I looked over at this really old man who was just sitting there, smiling so purely, and I realized that this place can bring joy and peace for the many Hong Kongers who are often stuck in the noise and bustle of the city.

Lantau Island

2007-10-19T00:30:00.000+08:00

On Wednesday, Alley and I took the ferry from Central to Lantau Island, which is about forty minutes away. We arrived at Mui Wo and took a really bumpy bus ride an hour or so to Ngong Ping, where the Po Lin Monastery is (also the big bronze Buddha). Ngong Ping is really beautiful and, despite the tourists who want to take a peek at the Buddha, really peaceful. The grounds of the monastery were filled with flowers, oranges, incense, a pond, and temples. The air smelled so good (such a big difference from HK island) and we wandered about the almost empty grounds. We stumbled upon a greenhouse (where I heard a voice chanting somewhere), and walked toward the hostel and even came across a buffalo hanging out in the grass. It was really quiet and the perfect place to write. I'm thinking of staying at the hostel for a week or so and just work there. We then met up with Sam and had an all-vegetarian lunch at the monastery, which was delicious and simple. We also had our fortunes told. You take a tin filled with sticks, ask a question, and shake the tin until a stick falls out. The stick has a number and you go to the fortune booth and look up the number and read your fortune. Mine went something like: "Everything is laid out for you, and you may choose as you please." Hmm....

Back in Central, I went to Li Yuen Street to buy these little lanterns for my room, which were less than $2 US dollars for twelve. I then walked about LKF, browsed around at bookstores, and stopped in at the Fringe gallery. Before I knew it, it was dinner time and I met up with some HKU creative writing graduate students (and writers who just graduated from the program) and the Australian poet Dennis Haskell. Great food, great conversation, and great new people! This Saturday, there is another IWW seminar at HKBU, "The City Under the Sea" and I'm looking forward to attending that.

Fifty tiny cakes

2007-10-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

I made it back to Soho from Kowloon Tong carrying a tray of fifty tiny cakes - leftovers from the discussion at HKBU. The topic was "Writing the Reality" and featured a dialogue between the international writers and Pulitzer Prize winning journalists from the U.S. (there is a journalism workshop going on at the same time this month). The concept of reality and time interests me; we often connect "reality" to the present, i.e. breaking news or reporting the "real", right now. But I'm interested in the reality of the past. And the thin line between reality and imagination in thinking about memory. Also, when writing a fiction based on real events in the past, how we must depend on someone else's sense of reality at that time.

On another note, I feel like I have a million mini writing projects happening right now and I haven't quite settled on one (maybe I don't have to?). But I just started writing a few "portraits" today, since I realized that writing about Hong Kong means writing about the people I see every day, on the street, in the subway, etc. This is a people watching city. Which is awkward to do since it's considered rude. But I can't help imagining what their lives are like. This is that blurred space of reality.

Portrait of a Couple and a Tote Bag: Immigration Tower, Wan Chai

They are old, maybe seventy-four, and he is wearing a white sweater she crocheted for him last winter when it was just cold enough to sleep in the same bed. She needs new glasses and asks him to read the screen in the waiting room, the screen which directs applicants to the right booth. He says “297” and scratches at the dirt behind his ear and finds that it isn’t dirt but a mosquito bite and is shocked, for he thought they only bit the young. She nods and nods and looks away. The air conditioning feels like what they imagine snow to feel like.

They are waiting in the fifth row and there is a tote bag between them, sitting in its own curved seat and heavy as a rain cloud. The tote bag is bright green and is a promotional item from a cell phone company. It is good for carrying vegetables, newspapers, house sandals. It is not good for carrying bottles of sauce or red meats. Today, it does its job and carries papers of various size and weight in zip-lock bags, folded neatly – like dinner napkins over the lap. Last night, she emptied dried mushrooms and ginger from these bags, washed them, and let them dry on the windowsill.

The tote bag is sitting between them, but it is moving, is being moved. She moves it like a lake moves when a rock is thrown in. She moves it and puts it down on the floor and is about to move closer to him, but he picks up the tote bag and places it back on the chair and she is a lake untouched, a lake where the eelgrass does not even move. Their number is called, but she still does not move, not even when the tote bag falls over and the zip-lock bags and papers scatter across the floor.

Oceans

2007-10-16T13:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I attended the International Writers Workshop symposium, "Learning from the Ocean" held on campus. There were many varied viewpoints and it raised some interesting questions on mythology and the sea, the boundaries of water, biodiversity, coastal communities, uncertainty, movement, and even Victoria Harbor. A journalism major asked the international writers what they felt when they first saw Victoria Harbor. What I first felt: technicolor water. I felt as if I was in television. There was also this sense of being cradled - not only in the sense of the harbor being so close to land, but also because modernity seems "safe". With the ocean, there is always this feeling of uncertainty, of excitement mixed with fear. What goes beyond what we can see - this we do not know. That's what I love about the ocean: the unpredictability, the "not knowing". For my senior project, I wrote a story about a couple who has their honeymoon on the Jersey shore, in the middle of November, in the middle of an abandoned beach town. I tried to pinpoint their anxiety, their murky relationship, but am finally realizing why this story never quite worked: I had no idea what to do. The story dragged on, never ending (at least not in the "ah, I'm fulfilled" way), mirroring the force that put them there in the first place: the ocean.

At the panel, I also thought a lot about Melville and Moby Dick. How those connected to the ocean never quite leave it. When I visited his home at Arrowhead last year, my professor pointed out the back porch where Melville would pace back and forth, as if on a boat, looking out at sea. I imagined the entire field covered in white snow and the storminess of the house, and how it must have felt to be at sea, even on land.

And then, after I got back home from the panel, I had this terrible feeling of uncertainty and fear. About where my life will take me and if I'll ever quite make it as a writer. Do I apply to graduate school now? How many rejection letters does it take it get published (there is no math in uncertainty)? What am I doing here in Hong Kong? Why do I feel like I'm fumbling all of a sudden?

At an angle

2007-10-13T11:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, my day started at 7:30am when I made the trek to Kowloon Tong (HKBU campus) to meet up with the international writers (from the Barbados, Ireland, Indonesia, Taiwan, Australia, Poland, Greece, etc.), their families, and some newspaper reporters. We went to Stanley, a beach town, and disappeared into the winding streets of the Stanley market (a bit tourist-y). But the waterfront is a really nice break from the skyscrapers. We also went to the Murray House, the Maritime museum, and had a fancy lunch at this Spanish restaurant (amazing fried sardines) with a view of the water. It was really great to talk to the writers and get to know them better (and the places where they are from). I also had some nice discussions on poetry: constraint-writing, experimental work, writing from documents. We then went to Central and went up the imfamous peak tram to Victoria Peak (the tram even stops at one point so you can feel the angle). Exhausted, we finally ended up at a typical Hong Kong-style restaurant for dinner near where I live. They seated us - there were definitely like twenty people or something - in this long corner where we would have to all get up to get out. It was pretty hilarious trying to figure out how to order since the waitress was all the way at the front. And then we passed down food, Thanksgiving style. I also talked (with the help of his niece translating) with a writer from mainland China who spoke Putonghua. He was really funny and taught me how to count in sign language, the Chinese way (only one hand is used). More on the writers: http://iww.hkbu.edu.hk/index.php?fl=writers_vw_2007

I made it home at 10:30 and promptly fell asleep surrounded by books and my computer.

Waiting

2007-10-10T22:46:00.001+08:00

Today I went to apply for my HK identity card. To pass the time, I watched the people sitting around me: a little boy jumping up and down because he was cold, a student editing her thesis with a big fat blue marker, an elderly couple readjusting the tote bag sitting between them, an impatient man muttering under his breath behind me, a small girl playing with a rubiks cube, a couple dressed all in black and carrying briefcases arguing with an official, two Filipina women holding hands and laughing, a Western man with a large floppy hat running across the hall, a teenager folding a page in a newspaper with some Canto pop star...

Sam and I went to the HK Science Museum today, which turned out to be a strange, eclectic mix. It was a hands-on museum and there were many experiments to try. My favorites included a television green-screen room where you created a tv show, the random mirror fun house, fossils of dinosaurs right next to a giant airplane, the fitness test where you see how high you can jump, the floating magic ball, the updated, tech-y version of listening with a cup and string, watching sound waves as you spoke into a telephone, riding on a bicycle using GPS, and more.

There were nametags involved

2007-10-09T22:19:00.000+08:00

Today I met with Melissa, the general manager of the Man Hong Kong Literary Festival and attended the International Writers Workshop Welcome Reception. The reception was held at the Marco Polo Hotel in TST (an absolutely gorgeous hotel, I might add... for a moment, I considered blowing my Fulbright money for a night in this place) and it was wonderful to finally meet with the visiting writers, faculty, administration, and also Bei Dao, who is a well-known Chinese poet (I am familiar with his work from Li-hua Ying's Contemporary Chinese Literature class I took my sophmore year at Bard). The theme of this year's workshop is "Writing from the Sea and the Waterfront", which actually seems quite fitting to my own sensibilities, growing up on the Jersey shore (and being on the Hudson). Just this past summer, I wrote a poem/letter called "To: Water" while I was in Boulder, Colorado -- where I was so far from water, so far from home. Speaking of which, for the first time, I took the Star Ferry across from TST to Central and crossed the harbour.

While I was talking to a few people at the event, I kept having this terrible feeling that I have to prove myself because of my age. That I should be taken seriously as a writer, that I can be articulate (well, at least I try to be). Yes, I am what they call "an emerging writer", but I don't fit under the awful stereotype of young college/fresh-out-of-college writers who are only interested in writing about the party life, the break-ups. And to be honest, it's quite difficult at times; I have no idea why I feel older than I actually am... why I focus on writing about married couples, the elderly, the life experiences that are not quite mine. Past and future.... present? Not so much. Okay, maybe I live the life of a twenty-something when I'm not writing, but on the page it's different. Or at least that is how I challenge myself. Keep learning, keep evolving as a writer.

Plus, it doesn't help that I look like I'm seventeen.

Hello Music, Hello Breakfast

2007-10-07T17:09:00.000+08:00

Last night, Alley, Jonah, and I went to see a live concert at the Cavern in Lan Kwai Fong and Alley and I quickly fell in love with a Hong Kong band. Maybe it was the red lighting, maybe it was the double bass, maybe it was the suspenders, but the band Born to Hula rocks in a strange, magical way. (www.myspace.com/borntohula)

Then we went for breakfast at the 24-hour diner, The Flying Pan. After a never-ending breakfast masterpiece complete with omelette, toast, potatoes, fruit, and grapefruit juice (which reminded me of Jersey for a moment), I headed for the escalator back to the apartment. It's strange really... how Hong Kong can seem very much like New York City. But walk just some blocks in another direction, and you end up in a traditonal street market with women who look like my grandmother, selling string beans. Or a park full of wild monkeys. A dream city for the homesick and for the adventurous.

Today: reading, writing, trying to fix our fridge, dumplings, shaking my rug out the window, more reading.

The Twenty-Three

2007-10-06T13:19:00.001+08:00

I'm so lucky to have great new friends here in Hong Kong. Celebration day included a beautiful fruit and white chocolate cake (which the math major cut into 8 perfect pieces), Mexican food at Taco Loco, flowers, chocolate cupcakes, white wine on the beach at night, swimming, watching crabs, and cheap 7-Eleven swimsuits (cheetah print YES!).

Bells! Museums! Poetry! In Defense of Fog!

2007-10-05T14:33:00.000+08:00

Today, I'm one year older. I ate a fantastic orange today. I feel pretty darn happy.

On Tuesday, I visited the HKBU campus on a whim and tried to find the library there, only to find myself lost in the music hall, listening to the composition of bells and xylophones. It was then that I discovered that, even though the building says "library" on it, it was converted into offices and classrooms (the real library is on another campus).

Wednesday was an action packed day, filled with two of my very favorite things: free museums and poetry. I met up with Sam and Alley and we went to the Hong Kong Museum of History, which is sure to become one of my very favorite places here. The exhibits included giant-sized boats, reconstructed houses, city streets equipped with medicine stores, tea houses, a tram, etc., and a fantastic sense of what it might have been like to walk around Hong Kong, many years ago. I was most affected by the Japanese occupation of Hong Kong exhibit, which was quite intense. The hall quickly changed into cement walls, bare lightbulbs, and the stories of the many people who endured the 3 years and 8 months (beginning in 1941). I'm actually planning to do a bit of research about this period... maybe it will turn into something?

Photos from the museum:

Later on that night, I read at PoetryOutLoud at the Fringe Club, along with other fantastic poets and writers. It was a great, relaxed, and encouraging place to talk about poetry and share work. This reading made my entire week. I'm overjoyed. And, it happens the first Wednesday of every month.

Yesterday, I attended a writing workshop also at the Fringe with Peter Bakowski entitled "The Nourished Writer". There were a few things I got out of it: practice, persistence, and patience. And to not be afraid of the blank page. The blank page definitely terrifies me, including the expectation to fill it with something worthwhile.

Now, with the things I disagreed with and/or frustrated me (mostly because there should have been an acknowledgement that there are other ways of writing): the goal of clarity, of "cutting to the chase", of necessity, of age-old ways to approach writing. His approach seemed too traditional to me, to the point of repetition (I've heard these "ways to write" and "how to revise" Writing 101 speeches way too many times). I think, as writers today, the challenge is really to test these "ways of writing", to trespass and create a more provocative text. I do not believe that a writer's goal is to reach clarity - Bakowski's goal being that the reader "does not fall asleep". I don't agree. I have more faith in my reader - that he or she does not read simply to be entertained. Language, prose, the drive to question, the sound of words, the story that challenges me (and sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable) ... these are some reasons I read. He was also against the space of lingering. In Hawthorne's "The Scarlet Letter", this sense of lingering - of longing and the space between touch - is what makes the entire book. How could this book be as powerful as it was without lingering? Complete clarity, to me, seems false at times. I think clarity, as a concept, must include fog. What we see beyond the fog, the outline of a person, the gesture of a hand. Even in disconnection, we can create a sense of what is there. Why are we so afraid of "the messy"? Why are we afraid of getting our hands dirty? Yes, let's appreciate Hemmingway and Carver and O'Connor, but let's move on, let's create something new, something more dangerous, something more like the holding of breath. That's what excites me about writing.

Hou Leng!

2007-10-02T00:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was China National Day and, after some very delicious Shanghainese food near Alley's place, we went to the TST waterfront to watch the fireworks show. The place was packed (it reminded me of New Year's Eve in Times Square), but it was well worth it. I saw fireworks that I've never seen, including flowers that bloomed, smiley faces, the number 8, planets, hearts, and fireworks that exploded into other fireworks that then exploded into slow moving glitter that looked like glowing parachuters and/or gigantic fireflies. But the BEST part was the crowd, particularly this little boy on his father's shoulders behind us. They screamed and shouted the entire time, "Waaaaaaaaa!!!! Hou Leng-a!!! (very beautiful)", which made us all scream and go crazy. In the states, you hear the occassional "ooh" and "ah", but this was pure, continuous, uncontrollable joy. It was intense. I loved every minute of it.

On Saturday, Andy and I went up to Victoria Peak, where we quickly devoured chocolate dipped ice cream cones (which are like US 50 cents), found giant panda toys (which Andy wanted to buy), and walked back down to Soho. The walk was incredibly steep and my legs were wobbly the entire time. There were moments when I couldn't stop going.

On Friday night, after meeting up with the ETAs at Coyote, which had delicious nachos, Alley and I went to a concert -- the Kubrick Live! music show. The first performer was incredibly sappy, but the second band was pretty good. One of the guys reminded me of my brother. Trying to find my way back home, I ended up on this late-night red minibus that apparently doesn't accept Octopus cards. I didn't have any cash and the bus driver demanded to take my wallet (I was the only one on the bus). I was so afraid, but he eventually kicked me off. The night kind of went downhill from then on, including being harrassed by a man on the street, and getting lost at 3am trying to walk all the way back to Soho (at one point, I was lost on some roof-top palm tree oasis).

My room

2007-09-28T19:11:00.000+08:00

I put up pictures and postcards and artwork and things that remind me of home on my wall. In the morning, I wake up thinking that they have all fallen down, one by one, and moved to the corner of the room, like a pile of leaves.

Fast Moving Clouds

2007-09-26T12:12:00.000+08:00

Last night was the Mid-Autumn Festival ... there was a full moon (although behind many fast moving clouds), tons of kids with lanterns in various shapes (fish, rabbits, airplanes, Hello Kitty), and good company. We went over to Victoria Park, where many festivities were held, including traditional ethnic dances, crazy feats of insanity (like standing on butcher knives and throwing chopsticks into pieces of wood), and a lot of people. The entire park was lit up with lanterns and it was as if the night sky was inverted. Many people just sat around, talking and melting candles into candles. We then left to go to Repulse Bay, where we found a good spot near the water. We talked a bit, played in the water, and tried to keep our candles lit. Back at home, when I was kid, my mom would always buy mooncakes and never really explained what the festival was about, or even how to celebrate it. I'm really glad I had a chance to experience it!

Photos from Helen's camera:

Rain

2007-09-24T09:46:00.000+08:00

It's Monday morning and pouring outside. I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of rain and stumbled into the living room to close the windows. I was so sure the room would be soaked, covered in rain water and muck. But everything was fine. For a moment, it reminded me of home, when the basement would flood in a storm and we would have to bring buckets. And the damp smell of moss, tin cans, and wet laundry.

Yesterday, things kept falling out my window. I don't have any screens. They seem so close to bring back in, but I soon realized that, if I were to try, I would fall out the window too (I'm on the 9th floor).

Week One

2007-09-23T10:21:00.000+08:00

Today marks my first week in Hong Kong. Although it's been kind of hectic and unsettling, it's been a pretty good week.

1. Arrival and Soho apartment

The plane ride was incredibly long and I couldn't feel my legs by the end of the flight, but I survived it. I was seated in the middle aisle and was too short to see the movies they were playing. I mostly paced around the back of the plane to get some circulation going. My ipod saved me from going crazy. Upon arrival, I found my cousin (who is from the mainland, near Guangzhou) and we found our way back to my apartment, which is located in the Soho area of HK island. It was great to see my cousin again and I'm surprised I recognized her after seven years. The apartment, which I share with another Fulbright grant student (Andy), is pretty nice. Of course, the bedrooms are a typical HK size (like NYC), but we have a great kitchen and living room space. We met up with the other Fulbrighters, Helen and Alley, and had dinner at this Mexican place called Taco Loco in our neighborhood. Soho is known for its great restaurants, including different kinds of food -- there are tons of Italian, Mexican, American, Chinese, etc. around here. PLUS, we're located right by the Mid-Levels/Central escalator, the world's largest, which takes us easily to the Central MTR subway station. The escalator is kind of weird though; it only goes one way during certain hours of the day. It goes down until about 10:30 in the morning and then up the rest of the day. I definitely experienced some vertigo. But it's a great, free way to move around and it's also fun to see all the buildings as you go up.

Andy and I moved our new used couch up the street a couple of blocks and up an elevator. We had to take two trips. With narrow sidewalks and people, it was an adventure.

2. Sleep? What's sleep?

The time difference is pretty harsh. Right now it's 10:45 in the morning here and 10:45 at night in New York. Needless to say, I had some bad jet lag and found it really difficult to sleep. I was cracked out most of the time and feeling pretty unhealthy. During my first two days, I also had some stomach sickness (which might have been food poisoning) and stayed mostly in bed, trying desperately to sleep. I would wake up at random hours of the day, mostly at 3am or 5am and would read in bed or call Dan. It's amazing how busy the city is at these early hours... from my window, I can hear trucks going by, people talking, and even see women shaking out wet laundry from their windows. Dizzy, tired, and appetite-less, I unfortunately did not get to spend a lot of time hanging out with my cousin. But, there is an end to that story and, just a few days ago, I slept mostly through the night!

3. Causeway Bay & Mong Kok

My cousin and I went to Causeway Bay (where Helen has an apartment) and Mong Kok to do some shopping. It was a hectic and busy scene, full of neon signs, so many shops, and people on the street trying to give/sell you things. In Causeway Bay, we went to the Ikea, which is right by Fashion Walk, which is the really upscale shopping part (with Prada, Miss Sixty, and Chloe). Ikea was overwhelming and I think I did more walking around in a stupor than shopping. Causeway Bay also has a Times Square, which was really interesting, considering its New York counterpart. Like New York, it was flashy and full of people to the point where you couldn't see the other side of the street. We went to Mong Kok on Wednesday, which is located in Kowloon. Things are a bit cheaper in Kowloon (except Festival Walk in Kowloon Tong) and you know how I like cheap and free things. We walked around a good deal and wandered into tiny shopping malls and then streets that only sold wallpaper and lights. There was also a store opening with dancing dragons on poles. I ate a ridiculously large bowl of spicy Japanese noodle soup, which only cost HK$30, or around $4 in U.S. It's immediately apparent how shopping centered Hong Kong is. It seems are if everyone shops, all day long. It's pretty overwhelming, even for a Jersey semi-mall rat.

4. International Writers Workshop

On Tuesday morning, I went to Kowloon Tong to visit Prof. Chung, the director of the International Writers Workshop at HKBU. It was great to talk to her and Jennifer Ho, who organizes/runs the program. I learned more about the fall workshop and the visiting writers. The international workshop is similar to its counterpart at the University of Iowa, except there is a theme to each workshop at HKBU. This year the theme is Writing the Sea (I'm sure Josh would love that). Considering my major love for Melville, this was a pretty good time to come to Hong Kong. The writers should be arriving in the first week of October and I will then be involved in lots of conferences, symposiums, and readings (which also include Pulitzer Prize winning journalists). I'm excited! Prof. Chung actually invited me to their committee meeting that afternoon and I was honored to be there as an "associate" (even though I felt pretty sick and tired at the time). Also, I'm planning on meeting members of the Hong Kong Writers Circle at the Fringe Club tomorrow (Monday) night, so I'm looking forward to that too. The Fringe Club is an art venue, which hosts live performances, art classes, and poetry readings the first Wed. of every month. Alley (a Fulbrighter filmmaker) and I have decided that Hong Kong is not a "desert of art/culture"! It's not just banks and investment firms here... at least, not for long!

5. Food

Delicious and varied. Familiar and unfamiliar. My cousin and I went to this noodle shop right by my apartment and quickly discovered that it was a local famous favorite of sorts, according to the many newspaper and magazine articles about their noodles and dumplings on the wall. All their noodles are homemade and you can even see the owners make them! The best noodles I've had so far. The service is a little questionable though; we waited fifteen minutes to get the check because the owners - an old married couple - were having a personal argument! Noodles were flung, tense silences were kicked about, and our check was nowhere to be found. I've also had some decent Mexican food and Japanese noodle soup. Oh, and really good mango cake! Since I eat most of these dishes at home, nothing has been much of a shock, but I am missing some American foods & snacks. Which is strange since, while I was at Bard, my mom would have to send me Chinese snacks and candy through the mail... here, I'm hoping for some American food.

6. Public Transportation, or I Love Sea Creatures like the Octopus

Like many people here, I love the public transportation system, especially the MTR subway system. It's so so clean and efficient -- much better than NYC (I tend to compare Hong Kong to NYC... maybe because it's similar in many ways). People are so respectable and it's easy to find your way around. All the signs are in both Chinese and English. And there's something called the Octopus card, which is kind of like the NYC version of the Metrocard, only better. You can fill up your Octopus card whenever and you don't have to take out your card from your purse. It reads it automatically. You can even use the Octopus card at 7 Eleven stores. It's relatively easy to get around the city and even across the island to Kowloon island.

7. Fulbright Reception & Night Out in Wan Chai

On Thursday night, we met up up with the Fulbright ETAs (English Teaching Assistants) and senior Fulbrighters (professionals, professors) at a Fulbright dinner reception hosted by the U.S. Consulate. The briefing or informational session was kind of confusing (then again, Andy and I showed up late since we couldn't find a taxi), but many of the officials there are really great, friendly people. The dinner was held at this private room and had numerous courses including a beautiful peach colored bun dessert with sweet lotus paste inside. Afterwards, some of the ETAs and the full grants went out to Wan Chai to a bar called Heat... where it was ladies night! I've never been to a ladies night before, but free drinks sounds good to me. We talked and danced quite a bit -- it was great to unwind and meet new people. I'm excited to hang out with the ETAs again. Also, it was Andy's 22nd birthday, so cheers to that!

8. Repulse Bay at 3am

On Friday night, Alley and her roommate Josy and I took the bus from Central to Repulse Bay, a pretty famous beach in Hong Kong (and where all the very expensive high rises are). The bus was incredibly bumpy and more like an amusement park ride than anything else. It was really great to go to the beach at night since there were only a few people and the perfect place to unwind and relax on the shore. It was completly different from any beach I've experienced. The sand was larger, rougher. Like sugar. The city, with all its lights (sometimes, I mistake them for stars) curled around the water. The boats on the water are also lit up. Josy lives such a romantic life and it was great to hear all her stories. I'm a bit too anal to live my life without knowing what I'll be doing tomorrow or next week, or next year, but it was refreshing to meet someone who does just that. We ended up staying there until 3:30am... which is crazy. Luckily, we found a mini bus that was passing by and took that to Causeway Bay. I've never been on a faster bus. It kept gunning red lights and I knew then why the penalty for not wearing your seatbelt was so high. Also, there were so many teenager/young people out and about at 4 and 5am. Truly, Hong Kong is the city that never sleeps.

9. Shek O Beach

Andy, Helen, Helen's roommate Kelly and some of her friends from William and Mary, and I went to Shek O Beach yesterday. Since I stayed out at Repulse Bay so late the night before (I didn't get to bed until 5am), I had a pretty slow start to the day. So Andy and I made it to the beach maybe around 4pm. It also took us a long time to get there by MTR and bus. The bus was lots of fun though; we rode on the top part (the buses are double decker like in London) and saw the mountains and buildings from all the winding roads. It was really exciting to be away from the city area and more into natural areas of the island. Trails and trees (the bus kept smacking into tree branches) galore. The beach itself is really small, but lots of fun. There are tons of people playing volleyball (without a net) and even places where you can barbeque on the beach. From the beach, you can see a bunch of little islands. Helen and her friends headed out earlier, but Andy and I stayed later since we got there so late in the first place. Andy went for a run and I just relaxed and wrote a little as the sun went down. It was absolutely beautiful and it took me a long time to figure out why... it was because I could actually see a blue sky! Because of the pollution in the city, I haven't seen the sky in days. After Andy got back, we had dinner at this restaurant, Kitchen By the Sea, which was really, really delicious. Pineapple sweet and sour pork and salty/thousand year old egg with vegetables. I don't know why, but it made me so happy to be in this Chinese beach town/village. I kept thinking about the Jersey shore and the town of Sea Bright and how incredibly different it was here. How much more real it was here. People just took things slow and easy... at home, the beach was always surrounded by annoying teenage tanners on their cell phones. The restaurant itself was so vibrant and full of people talking. Food and bowls were everywhere and it seemed as if two guys were running the entire place. I never wanted to speak Cantonese so badly. I wanted to be part of those families and friends. I wanted to be Chinese. It's possible, but it will definitely take some work.

Luggage Fool

2007-09-14T02:06:00.000+08:00

I'm flying out of Newark to Hong Kong (with a stop in Chicago) on Saturday morning... less than two days away and the floor in my room is covered with random things: way too many books, clothes, a stapler, cotton balls, a Cantonese language book, push pins, a ridiculous rhinestone hair clip from Koreatown, mango tea bags, a Dr. Seuss collectable tin I found at Bard for 50 cents, etc. The flight is a bit over twenty hours. The last time I went to China, which was a seventeen hour flight, I sat next to a man with a combover who coughed into a cup. Regardless, I'm excited and nervous and can't wait to set foot in the chaos that is Hong Kong. I'm meeting with the director of the International Writers Workshop on Tuesday and hopefully getting a bit more aquainted with my role as a Fulbrighter.... I'm also looking forward to haunting the HK library!